She's Alive!

My first trip to London Town today - very exciting... that's if it wasnt to have someone stick electrodes into my leg. As mentioned in previous posts, the Doc was worried that my quad muscle wasn't working due to some sort of nerve damage, so I was sent to a specialist... hmmm, lets call him, oh I don't know.. DR FRANKENSTEIN. Who tried to create some life into my pale mutilated stitched up skinny excuse for a leg by way of electric shock treatment. FUN. It was not fun. I do have an interesting fact though people..seeing as I have nothing better to do on a Saturday night than google images of Frankenstien, I have learned that Frankenstein was in fact the dr's name and not the monster's. Every day's a school day. To complete the look please see below for one of my scars. If only I had a fancy dress party to go to. Anyway, it was good news i think, the old doc managed to voodoo me enough to see some sort of result.

Also on the good news front...all fans of Tom from below post will be thrilled to know, not only is there an accompanying slide show and video to Emily: The broken leg years...there is now a theme tune. Oh yes. Lovely Tom has informed me that he has written a song about my leg and is in the process of recording it. In his shed I think. Amazing. So if copyright restrictions allow, I'll get it up on here as soon as poss. Maybe we can release it and I can get on This Morning and talk about how it got me through the bad times. Or maybe it will become a YouTube phenomenon. The power is in your hands!

Right, to bed. It's been one crazy saturay night - just finished watching a movie with the parentals. By the way is it still really juvanile to get embarrassed at scenes of a sexual nature in front of your parents at this age? It reminds me of when I watched Pretty Woman aged about 12 with my Dad. My Dad! I wanted to die right there in my Hypercolour tracksuit. Shit, the hypercolour super technology must've gone into overload with heat actually. Never thought of that. I bet I actually turned a different colour. Ha. Anyway, on that note I sign off... Well when I say sign off what i mean is go on to ebay and see if there are any hypercolour t shirts for sale.

Say 'Fromage'...

Forgive me father for it has been 3 days since my last post. I wish I could say its because I've been SO busy...in training for 2012 etc..but unfortunately I think all the excitement of this blog stuff petered out a bit. I'm back though, no fear, with more mind numbing stories from the crip country. So I got a lovely email the other day from my new bf Gillian. She was in the bed next to me in the hospital in france having some metal put in her broken hand. We bonded through such experiences as 'my first bedpan' and morphine chat...which is much like the kind of chat that goes on at 4am, waiting for a taxi in the street, with the homeless man by the bus stop, where everythings 'amazing', even his 'funny little shoes'. So anyway bless her, she spent her whole week's holiday in this blimmin hospital. And her husband used to come in every day, and not to put the holiday tradition to waste he decided to take his holiday snaps...in the hospital.. So she sent said photo's to me. And I laughed a LOT. I look like i'm having the BEST time. off my head! This is me excitedly pointing at my broken leg...and this is me and Gillian just chillin..chattin breeze (I dont think I'm naked...) And this is the view from our window. Riveting stuff, you may joke. You wait, they are sending me THE VIDEO in the post as it was too big to email...Tom took it on his new gadget that he was going to strap to his head as he weaved down the slopes...but instead used it for our very own mini-documentary inside the hospital. I'll keep you posted, I bet you can't wait!

Zim Zimma...who's got the keys to my beama?

Shower was a success I’m sure you’re all glad to know. Although it did involve being naked in front of my mum for the first time in about 25 years. Very strange. And I actually left the house today and hung out with my new crew. This crew consists of the girls from school who have migrated back to the country to rear children and the boys from school who've persuaded their glamorous london girlfriends to come and live 5 doors from their mum's. Not that I ever didn’t hang out with them, but not as often as I probably should. Now they are my lifeline (thanks for today Kath and Rach). These are the people that used to be easily impressed with my rubbish stories from the big smoke like what D list celeb I am working with at any given time or that I attended a party in a multi story carpark the previous weekend. It’s brilliant, only in the country am I regarded as anywhere near ‘cool’ or ‘fashionable’. It’s like an exchange, they tell me about baking (well this is a lie, I eat cakes that they make) and I introduce new words to their vocab like most recently ‘dubstep’ (what are you doing for nye em? A dubstep night? What’s that, is it like a new dance, like 'doing the dubstep'?) Now, as i'm sat here with a small inidentifiable food stain on my primark tracksuit bottoms I'm worried I'll blow my cover!

Tonight’s highlight is that I’m going to try out a new bit of apparatus. No its not the balance beam. It’s a zimmer frame trolley on wheels (above). Every day mum seems to come back with a new bit of plastic from the red cross that is to aid in my recovery. The first to appear was a commode. This I took one look at and promised that I’d rather break my other leg trying to get to the toilet than use it. Especially as these things are LOANED. Other gadgets include the getting off the loo handle bars (right), and a snazzy wheel chair that a large hinge fell off of the other day so am a little dubious about using. So I’m not sure how this zim zimmer’s going to work as I’ve got to use crutches and hop at the same time. Maybe I can sit on it and push myself round with one leg, and balance my tea on the lower tray. I’m really not sure. Ideas welcome.

Showers expected

Day 18 in the little house on the prarie.. my window's open and it smells of horse shit. Had physio last night, managed not to cry. tick. So they're not sure if the muscle above my knee works, like i might have shattered nerves or something. A little worrying. Mostly because i'm gonna have one normal leg and one really really skinny leg in a couple months. A feature that my lovely friend Sarah has highlighted in my get well card. (pan right...) Thanks Saz! I do have a nice hat on and a t shirt with a chicken on it though. Every cloud...

Have a milestone coming up tonight, first shower since the accident. Pretty gross I know, but I'd like to say I have been posh washing. So the plan at the moment, involves a plastic bag thing that goes over my leg, and one of the garden chairs. So me, in a bikini (just in case of embarrassing disaster involving falling over, naked, knocking myself out, mum and dad, ambulance men etc), on what basically is a sun lounger, in a shower. Weird. Can't wait to wash my own hair. Previously it's taken 3 members of my family, a wheel chair, a washing up bowl and 2 saucepans. I'll let you know if this is any less chaotic..

Getting legless...

Ok so I have no idea what this is. (Not this to the left, thats my leg and some heavy duty robo-armour.) But I'm officially blogging, and I'm scared. I've decided I need a focus to my day that doesn't include I wonder what topic those Loose Women will be discussing today or Does Steph end up having the baby even though the dad is Libby's husband? So this is it. For the moment. Other current ideas include learning Cantonese and (upper) body building. Things to avoid - bidding for useless items on ebay and buying clothes for my 'summer relaunch' on ASOS. Although my friend Paddy is doing a right trade in buying and selling stuff on ebay. But my mum's put stop to this as she realised she'd have to be going to the post office for me. I asked her if she wanted in as my business partner but she was having none of it.

So as this is my first post and just in case anyone is reading this apart from me and my immediate family, I should re-re-cap. I've broken my leg quite spectacularly whilst snowboarding in France. When I say snowboarding, what I mean is coming of a chairlift like a total malco and somehow breaking two bones in my leg - one stright through my shin and the other a spiral fracture (apparently difficult to do, but i achieved). So basically I did it in proper. Spent a week in hospital in France having a rod and pins hammered in to my leg being shouted at in french and am currently convalescing back at my parents place in the beautiful Kent countryside* (*please...help...me...) I was told by the Dr that I'm not going to be getting around for at least a couple months. So whilst trying not to feel sorry for myself as at least I still have a leg, I'm just going to have to get through these next few months with good humour and more of these amazing opium based painkillers. YES.

So I'm not sure if this is going to be really shit - like, This is what I ate today.. and pictures of my food etc, but I'm going to give it a go...(eek!)